What's In A Name?
by PoisoningPigeonsinthePark
Summary: "We're guards, aren't we?"   "What's your point?"   "Don't you think we should be guarding the dungeons?" An explanation as to why the guards never seem to be doing any actual guarding.


**A/N: I hope you like it! It just popped up out of nowhere, and I'll be the first to admit that it's very random... But, there you go! Also... I think it's my twentieth story! Wooh! :D**

"Ian," mumbled one guard to the other, elbowing him in the ribs.

"What, Nigel?" inquired Ian testily, rubbing the sleep dust from the corners of his eyes.

"Well… it's just; I think the prisoners are escaping again…"

A pair of druids sped past them down Camelot's passageways, giggling gleefully on their way to freedom. One of them turned and waved over their shoulder, yelling, "Thanks mate!"

Ian yawned and nodded at the escaping druids. "No problem."

Nigel frowned and elbowed Ian in the side again, stopping him from drifting back off to sleep.

"What is it _now_, Nigel?"

"It's just… well… we're _guards_, aren't we?"

"What's your point?"

"Don't you think we should be _guarding_ the dungeons?"

Ian opened his eyes fully and regarded Nigel with a look of disgust mingled with disbelief, as though he had suggested something incredibly stupid. Perhaps he had.

Nigel shrank back from Ian's glare. "It was just a thought…"

"Yes, well… I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself from now on… Honestly… _Guards guarding_? Whatever next? I suppose you'll be suggesting that the librarian sticks to the library instead of performing all of the official ceremonies…"

"Well, now that you mention it…"

"Enough!" declared Ian, waving a hand in front of Nigel's face to cut him off and looking quite angry. "I've had more than enough of your crazy suggestions for one night…"

They fell silent.

The warning bell began tolling in the distance.

Nigel started to sulk.

"It's just…" Nigel insisted, with a little bit of a pout starting to form, "I think it might be easier if we kept them in the dungeons, instead of constantly catching them and releasing them and catching them and releasing them…"

"Sh!" muttered Ian, who had heard the sound of voices from the top of the stairs.

"THEY'VE ESCAPED?"

"Ooh!" Ian squealed, clapping his hands together delightedly. "It's Uther!"

"WHERE ARE THE INCOMPETENT GUARDS WHO ALLOWED THEM TO LEAVE? I'LL HAVE THEIR HEADS!"

"See?" Nigel smirked, as they were led away. "Uther agrees with me."

"Oh, be quiet," snapped Ian. "He's just saying that. If we didn't let prisoners escape all the time he wouldn't have half as much to do…"

"It's true," agreed one of the knights leading them away. "It does keep him busy."

"There. See?" Ian nodded smugly.

"But… but… We're guards! We should be _guarding_!"

Everybody in the dungeon - the knights, the guards and the prisoners - laughed heartily at Nigel's expense upon hearing this.

"Honestly Nigel…" Ian clapped him on the back as best he could with his arms shackled. "You must learn not to take things so seriously! Don't allow yourself to be typecast by your _title_; you're a guard, so what? That doesn't mean you have to do any _guarding_! Am I right fellows?"

There was a chorus of agreement amongst the guards on charge, who then proceeded to turn a blind eye to the nice young lady who skipped down the stairs and unlocked all the doors to the cells, setting the prisoners free.

"I'm a bit new to all of this," she confessed, flustered, as she struggled with the last lock. "Was I supposed to poison your wine?"

The guard on duty chuckled and shook his head. "Only if you felt like it. Can I help you with that? You look like you're struggling."

"Oh! Yes Please!"

She stood back and let the guard unlock the gate for her, watching with satisfaction as all of the prisoners scrabbled for the escape routes.

"That was very kind of you…" she told him, as he passed the key to the locks back to her.

"Think nothing of it!" he insisted. "My mother brought me up properly."

Nigel turned back to Ian as they made their escape, his jaw gaping open. "I… just… don't… This… This is…" he paused to take a breath. "But we're _guards_!"

Ian laughed and patted him on the back. "You'll get used to it."


End file.
